I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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