they need to just BURY HIM!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
