I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
