need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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