mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
