she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
