I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
be right there i have to get my cape
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
