I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
