Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
