she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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