THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
