he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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