i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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