And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize