As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
