I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
