i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
