Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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