I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
