The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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