That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
