So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
