Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
