Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
