I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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