Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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