I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
