Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
