Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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