Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
