I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
