she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
