i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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