his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
