Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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