Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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