The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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