hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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