seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
