If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
