so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
