life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I love having hate sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
