i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
