He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
