it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
