my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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