im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
