I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
