I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
