Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
