Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
