If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
