the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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