AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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