fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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