Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
