Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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