mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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