I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
