Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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