My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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