Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
