I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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