sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
