I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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