I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize