just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
