it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
