I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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