Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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