He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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