bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
