we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
