i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
