I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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