no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
