Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
